issue 6

Rider Reviews for FerrymanCharon, by Guan Un

Don’t forget to Stymph at us using the hashtags #NextToNyx #TheMoreTheFerryer to win your next #PickUpStyx ride free!


Review by LostAndLonelySoul:

4 Stars: Quick and prompt service. Ferry driver was prompt and efficient. Although might want to do something about that smell.

Response from BossHades:

WELCOME! GLAD YOU ENJOYED OUR SERVICE.  I PERSONALLY FIND BRIMSTONE NICELY COVERS OVER THE OTHER SMELLS.


Review by BitCoinMinotaur:

1 Star: Rider didn’t accept bitcoin—when all the oracles are saying it’s the currency of the future! Left wandering on banks of Acheron. Surprising lack of latte here too. #NotinAthensAnymore

Response from BossHades:

I DO NOT UNDERSTAND THIS REVIEW. IT IS CLEARLY STATED THAT WE ACCEPT WHOLE COINS ONLY. BLOCKED.


Review by OrpheusSings:

5 Stars: So impressed with my music, driver kindly let me on without payment. Got to meet his cute three-headed dog too. Check out my SoundNephele if you’d like to hear more!

Response from BossHades:

CHARON, CONSIDER THIS A WARNING. DO NOT LET ANYONE ELSE ON WITHOUT DUE PAYMENT.


Review by BitCoinMinotaur:

1 Star: Read previous review and tried to play my mixtape for driver. He seemed unimpressed and refused to let me ride. Maybe nobody’s ready for harp-hop yet. Will be back after launching my new venture.

Response from BossHades:

BETTER. EXCEPT I THOUGHT YOU WERE BLOCKED. YOU ARE NOW BLOCKED.


Review by ThatsSoPsyche:

3 Stars: Driver made me put coins in my mouth to give to him? Like, ew. Ever heard of hygiene? Still, totes worth it to find my BFF and bring him back!

Response from BossHades:

PLEASE NOTE WE HAVE STRINGENT HYGEINE STANDARDS, PURIFYING CURRENCY AT … WAIT, WHAT DO YOU MEAN BRING HIM BACK? CHARON, WHEN DID YOU START OFFERING RETURN TRIPS?


Review by AeneasOfTroy:

5 Stars: Didn’t have money so offered him this sweet golden branch I found and dude seemed impressed. Not hugely talkative but I guess he’s more a listener than a talker? Ferry ride itself was awesome. Not sure about the thousands of souls screaming in the background, but I guess that’s not the driver’s fault.

Response from BossHades:

I PERSONALLY FIND THE SCREAMING VERY THERAPEUTIC, SINCE I AM NOT THE ONE SCREAMING … WAIT, GOLDEN WHAT? THAT IS NOT PAYMENT! CHARON, THIS IS YOUR LAST WARNING!


Review by BitCoinMinotaur:

1 Star: Saw above review and offered various other colourful foliage. Still won’t let me through! 😦 Secret project’s almost finished though! 🙂

Response from BossHades:

THIS IS NOT CONSTRUCTIVE FEEDBACK! AND WHY AREN’T YOU BLOCKED?!


Review by HeraclesTheShredded:

5 Stars: So sweet! Driver was a total chill bro who let me through for free!! Just had to wrestle dude a little! He was actually pretty buff, but not as buff as ya boy!

Response from BossHades:

WHAT!! WRESTLING IS NOT PAYMENT. CHARON, SEE ME IN MY OFFICE. I THINK IT IS TIME FOR YOUR PERFORMANCE REVIEW.


Review by WanderingStar:

1 Star: Terrible service. Rider never showed. App says wait time is over a year! But at least I found a nice place for a latte while I wait.


Guan Un lives in Sydney, Australia, with his family and a dog named after a tiger. He is a dumpling connoisseur, book omnivore, and writes a newsletter about sentences at buttondown.email/topicsentence. Occasionally at @thisisguan, and guanun.com.

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