I’m not going to ignore this, but I’m not going to call my doctor either. Not yet. The last time I made an appointment, it got scheduled weeks out, and the problem had cleared up by the time I arrived. I paid money just to look like a hypochondriac explaining what had been going on. Instead, I’ll keep an eye on it. I’ll even take some photos on my phone—document their progress.
If my ears get any longer, or hairier, then I’ll call.
They might be a little longer today. I’m not sure. I forgot to take photos yesterday. I’ll do that now. I’ll also take a few photos of my teeth. They don’t look different, but my bite has changed. Nothing big. I can still chew. Chances are I’m just clenching at night again. Probably have been ever since I lost my CPAP machine last year. I’d replace it, but my insurance refuses to pay for a new one.
I’ll pick up a night guard at the drugstore.
I called the doctor’s office today, but it was a thirty minute wait, and these Reddit forums say it’s natural for men to get hairier. This was an “over 50s” subreddit, but that applies to my generation too, right? Men of all ages grow new hair, just not on their heads. I mean yes, I’m getting more hair there too, but I’m talking about all the other places. It’s not hurting, so it can probably wait until my next physical.
I haven’t been keeping up with my photos, but I’m pretty sure it’s time to see some help, just to get an X-ray and know what’s going on with my bones. So I called up my doctor and made an appointment.
The earliest they can see me is three weeks from now.
I described my symptoms, and they told me I should go to the ER instead, but no thank you. That would be far more expensive, and I hear the ER has been packed lately from this spike in animal attacks. I’ll wait for my appointment.
I wish people would stop pointing. Not everyone can afford to get every little problem looked at.
Is it normal to get growth spurts in your thirties? Specifically in your feet? WebMD’s symptom tracker doesn’t have a field for that. I put “growths”, but it gave me stuff about tumors, and I’m pretty certain this isn’t cancer. If it were, it wouldn’t be happening equally in both feet, so there’s no need to start racking up my deductible. Sure, my shoes don’t fit, but I’m still walking well enough. My soles have gotten pretty callused. I’ll enjoy the grass between my toes, so to speak. It’s cheaper than orthopedics.
Now my pants don’t fit either. It’s fine. I’ve been eating more lately, and I’ve put on some weight, but it’s less of a waistline problem and more of a thigh problem. It’s all lean muscle. I don’t need a doctor to charge me two hundred dollars to tell me that my weight is healthy for my new height.
People are starting to avoid me. At the grocery store, everyone left as soon as I arrived, except for one man in the back who was busy snagging his own fish from the seafood tank. Nice guy, but I’ve never seen eyes that big and watery before. He’s uninsured though, so he’s hoping whatever it is blows over. I get that. It’s also why he hasn’t seen a doctor about that webbing, or those scales.
Or those gunshot wounds. Even I suggested he should see somebody about those, but he said they normally heal on their own. I told him to make sure he works the muscles or the scars won’t heal properly, and he’ll need PT. I had to do PT for my hip a few years back. Lord, did that wreck my budget.
I slept in the basement last night. There’s something peaceful about the cool air and the solid earth. Also, the lightning storm was making me howl. It’s no big deal. I don’t need to pay a psychiatrist to tell me loud noises cause sleeping trouble. That reminds me. I need to get another night guard. I gnawed my old one to pieces.
It might be time to see a doctor. The hair, the growth, and the cravings have all been concerning, but this is more about how I got hit by a car last night. I was just sprinting through the woods, enjoying nature, and I crossed a highway. Suddenly this guy came out of nowhere. I think the car took more damage than I did, but boy did I get mad. I hope he has health insurance.
Fortunately, I’m healing quickly, so maybe I’ll put off the doctor’s visit for a bit. I know my mom would tell me to stop being silly and go in, but there are only two months left in the year. Any money I put toward my deductible will get erased come New Years. And given all these supposed monster attacks lately, I might have to make an ER trip next year. In that case, if I put off all these minor health issues, and then get some help, my payments will apply toward next year’s deductible. That’ll be the year I get all these problems sorted out.
Honestly, I’ll probably be fine come January. It’s not like it’s cancer.
Cameron Fischer is a sci-fi and fantasy author who has been sighted living in the Boston area, but these reports are little more than rumors, and frankly nobody knows exactly where he is. He has fiction work released online which can be found through his twitter: @AdmFlibbles
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