This is a matter of utmost urgency and I do hope you can help me.
My name is Sir JONATHAN SILVER, and I was Director of the Seelie Court in the land of Andaria, under the immediate command of The Fair Lady. As you may know, your church is waging brutal war upon her and her attending to leave all lands connected to your world. That means all of us who are serving under her. As I write you this letter, I am already in Arcadia, where I have been granted some limited asylum by the Council of Nine, thanks to the magnanimity of Council Leader Nujesuul Aremu, Master of the Nine Oaths; but I cannot simply sit here and wait, for fear of the church following deeper into our lands upon its apparent victory over Andaria.
I am a very rich man. This I was able to achieve by virtue of my position in The Fair Lady’s Court. I have enough money to live anywhere in the world and invest likewise, but money does me little good in Arcadia. In fact, were it even valid tender here, the church’s wards ban me from what I had built. Now I have to seek help from people I do not even know to secure my hard-earned wealth, life and family. I can trust in human nature to help me and see me through this trying time.
While I was relocating myself to Arcadia, I was able to transfer a substantial amount of my money—fifteen million United States dollars (US$15,000,000,00)—to an overseas holding firm in Switzerland. The money is now safely lodged in Europe and I have a confirmed deposit slip in my possession.
You may please reach me through my good servants. They will be disguised as children on All Hallows Eve. You will know my servants by the plastic pumpkins they carry, and their certain and otherworldly (to your senses) demeanor. All you must do is drop one item of precious or semiprecious metal or stone (please, no steel!) in each of their candy bags, and when faith is shown sufficient, you will be rewarded with the key to my mortal coffers. If you can do this for me, you will have truly shown yourself an exemplar of your kind.
Upon your receipt of the keys to my United States dollars, I would request the sacrifice of some bought materials, as they would aid me and my kind in what may be our last stand. Instructions will be supplied for what and how to accomplish these simple tasks, but I cannot spell them out here for fear that this letter may fall into the wrong hands. I look forward with utmost urgency to your contact.
Kaolin Fire is a conglomeration of ideas, side projects, and experiments. Outside of his primary occupation, he also develops computer games, writes fiction and poetry, paints, and does book and magazine covers. http://erif.org ~ @Kaolinfire
3 thoughts on “Dear Sir, by Kaolin Fire”
Reblogged this on AUTONGNOTHIS and commented:
The first story in a collection of original fiction with a science-fiction spin and nods to Solarpunk. This is a short and delightful read. I thought it was wry to the point of hilarity, subtly so. Extra points for the cultural reference, rarely if ever used with more deftness.
It took me 3 paragraphs to see what you were doing, I am still laughing.